Happy Thanksgiving everyone! And Happy Hanukkah!
I’ve started compiling a list of medical/anatomical/scientific names that could be used elsewhere. This list will be continuously updated. Feel free to add your own!
…used in Harry Potter:
- ductus venosus
- ductus arteriosus
- levator scapula
- cavernous sinus
- levator palpebrae superioris
- xeroderma pigmentosum
- constrictor pharyngis superior
Probably because many of these names come from Latin anyway, and actually, while re-reading some Harry Potter, I believe Rowling was inspired by some of her names from science and Latin (like the Basilisk and bezoars). I think I’ll write a research paper on that one day…
- pterygopalatine (fossa)
- mandible, or submandibular
…something that Arnold Schwarzenegger says:
- buccinator (as in, “I am the Buccinator, and I am a facial muscle”)
Thiamine is a drunk Russian wearing handcuffs rolling in a pile of coins, muttering “beri beri” under his breath. Oh, and he doesn’t like to eat.
Riboflavin is a cat with two kittens meowing “Nyow!” but Riboflavin likes to hiss instead. The Joker is sitting with them.
Niacin is a pessimistic brat who’s always sitting on the toilet, demented, itchy, and on the verge of death. He eats too much corn.
Pantothenic is a child wearing weird pants running around the lobby and basically acting like a little sh*t. He likes toy cars.
Pyridoxal is a spider climbing the random pyramid structure. When you see him, scream “NOOOOOO”
Biotin is a buff bald dude chugging raw eggs even though you told him not to.
Folate is always running late with his neural tube dragging 9 feet behind him. He has a car.
Cobalamin is 12 and faints a lot at the sight of blood. idfk
Ascorbate and le scurrveehh
So thiamine walks into a bar and…
Kids in the Hall - The Doctor
- You will look like a pretentious twit. But before you cry out, consider the model of socialisation familiar to first years and anyone cramming for final exams. Acting like a doctor is a crucial step to becoming a doctor, and House and Dr Cox are doctors who are also pretentious. Therefore, in order to become a doctor, you must wear your stethoscope out in public.
- Doctors get upgraded to business class when flying. How else will the flight attendants be aware of your pending-doctor status if you don’t wear your steth?
- There’s scope for, ahem, roleplaying.
- Think of the pick-up lines. “Excuse me miss, but you just made my heart skip a beat. Care to hear?” “I’m offering free health checks to all attractive males… and you most certainly qualify.”
- If you plan on going into surgery or psychiatry, this may be the only opportunity you get to wear your stethoscope. How many surgeons have you seen wear a stethoscope on ward rounds?
- “Stand back, I’m a doctor” sounds much more impressive if you look like one. And no one will question your doctor qualifications if you’re wearing a stethoscope.
- It’s a great party trick. In fact, the last two parties I’ve been to, I’ve whipped out my pretty little stethoscope and conducted full cardiovascular examinations on my friends. Not only do they get free healthcare, but it makes you seem super intelligent because you can tell them that their hearts are normal.
- Eavesdropping. Forget holding glasses up to walls or casting listening charms—if your friends are having a super secret conversation next door, you can simply hold your stethoscope to the wall and listen to all the dirty gossip.
- It’s great revision for clinical exams. If you’re wearing your stethoscope on a long train trip back from the country, imagine how many times you can listen to your heart and lungs. You’ll be a pro at identifying normal breath sounds by the end of it—and if you’re game, you can always practice on the other passengers. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.
- Hitting someone with a stethoscope hurts. Therefore, wearing your stethoscope on those long walks between hospitals, residential colleges, and sophisticated drinking establishments means you always have a weapon on hand should you find yourself in less-than-pleasant company.
Please note, this is an entirely facetious list. Don’t wear your stethoscope outside the hospital, please.
"The Confrontation (A Les Miserables Parody)" by ZDogg MD, who, according to his blog, is a board certified internist and “a moonlighter in medical satire—writing, performing, editing, producing, and distributing funny videos, music, and more from the discomfort of his spare bedroom.”
His videos are “clinically proven to be slightly funnier than placebo.”
It can be challenging enough to diagnose a patient’s problem in the real world — just imagine how much more difficult it would be in a comic book world where magic, mutant abilities, aliens, advanced technology, and psychic powers all exist. Here are a handful of actual comic book medical cases — are your diagnostic skills up to the task?
The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”
“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”
The Anatomy of the Heart
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